The other day, I overheard Abby say that “the older Mommy gets, the smarter she gets!”
I thought her sentiments were sweet but I was so not feeling smart that day.
We are in a deep season of learning many, many new things and I feel everything BUT smart.
In a world where nations seem to be more and more at war every day…
In a time when sickness strikes friends and family…
In a point of my life where I am far from being able to help those at home…
I had a moment recently of just telling myself “I am not…”
Fill in the blank.
I am not strong enough for this.
I am not brave enough for this.
I am not capable of learning this.
I am not…
From learning to cook everything from scratch with foreign ingredients to facing the fact that I will have to cave soon and learn to drive a stick shift to not being able to buy medicine from the pharmacy and be sure that it is what I needed to get or how careful we must be once it gets dark outside to new ways of doing every single household chore.
I am not…
I am not a good enough cook and baker.
I am not a good enough driver.
I am not learning French fast enough.
I am not…
I am just not…
I’m not talking about personality insecurities, although those pop up sometimes too.
I’m talking about utter, deep stress and struggle of very real weaknesses. Days I chose to step out of the boat and sank anyway.
The times when life just really seems tough. hard. so much bigger than me.
The learning curve is steep and the stakes are even higher.
I have to say I was having a good old overwhelmed pity party for myself. When I heard Abby say that sentence, it was like Jesus whispered at the same time.
In my moment of crying out to God with all my “I am not’s”, Jesus slowly whispered, “But I am.”
Talk about powerful words that breathe life in a moment of weakness.
I am not any of those things mentioned above.
I really am not strong or brave. Not nearly strong and brave enough. I am not speaking French as well as I’d like or ready to face another continental move in this big, scary world.
I am not.
But Jesus is.
He is everything I am not and more.
And I can count on Him to provide everything I need at the moment I need it.
I can look to Him and know that He sees me in my weakness. He loves me in my weakness.
He longs to have a place in that weakness so He can make me strong and brave and capable of more than I could ever imagine on my own.
For every single “I am not…”, Jesus says, “I am.”
He lovingly comforts and says, “I am enough for it all.”
Enough for tomorrow.
Enough for our next move.
Enough for all the things I can’t yet do.
Enough for all the things I don’t yet know.
Enough for all the dangers and joys and struggles ahead.
He whispers to me and to you, “I am.”