Having a successful marriage means having some pretty open, honest, gut conversation.
It means talking about things we know now that we didn’t know when we first got married.
Things we’ve learned about ourselves and about each other.
We’ve done some marriage counseling and wondered if there were some things we’d been missing when talking to couples who want to get married.
We realized that yes… there are obviously always more things to talk about when you are preparing to get married.
But with that said… there are other things that really can’t be talked about. They need the time, the life experience, the growth and the grace for each other that only the Holy Spirit can bring about.
Some conversations can’t be fostered until the time is right.
Some things can’t be learned until the Holy Spirit guides and says hearts are ready.
Because sometimes love really IS blind. And the thought of marriage IS just so rosy that we can’t imagine there might be things we don’t know or can’t understand yet.
Successful Marriage – 4 Things
1. You do NOT know how much YOU will change. I think we have a hard time understanding how much we NEED to change. And the focus often gets put on how much the other person needs to change. Instead of realizing the focus must stay on you and what God wants to teach you. What God wants to grow in you. How He wants to move in your life. When you get married, I don’t think you can know how much change is really coming. Good healthy, deep change that only the Holy Spirit can do in an open heart.
2. You do NOT know how much your past will affect your marriage. Your past. His past. Coming together. Two imperfect people bringing all of their junk and joy into one joining life. How you were brought up. Your family life. Your past relationships. Your jobs. Your everything. All the sudden the past becomes a major player in today. Even the littlest things can come out one day and have a major impact on your marriage. Even things you’ve talked about before. The past is important. And you can’t really know how much it will affect your marriage one day.
3. You do NOT know how to join your life to another. You just can’t know this or be taught how to make it happen any faster. Oh, read everything you can on marriage, prepare with marriage counseling… but to really join your life to someone else… that takes the power of our Holy God to make this miracle happen. A marriage of two joined people is a beautiful miracle created by God and something only He can see to fruition in His timing.
4. You do NOT know how to truly fulfill your vows. You just don’t. You say the words. And you absolutely mean every single word on the day you get married. But life… oh, life complicates those beautiful words in ways you just can not imagine. When life happens, then your vows mean something. When you’ve been married for a few years and someone needs a job or one of you gets sick or a loved one dies… then, THEN the vows mean something and you learn how to daily fulfill them in practical ways. The beautiful words gain blood and skin and bones. They become what holds your lives together through it all. Vows that were made before God and friends and family. They become real.
There may be more things you don’t know… there probably are many more things actually.
But these four things stood out to us. They jumped out to us.
Things you just can’t know until you grow, experience, live and breath married life.
Things that God teaches in Him time and in His way.
Things that God develops and speaks and moves in your lives through the daily happenings of living life together.
What are some things that you did not know before marriage? Did any of these 4 things ring true for you?
A few other successful marriage posts…
20 Date ideas you both will LOVE
Keeping Marriage HOT in the Busy Times
Hi! I enjoy all of your articles. However, your use of the phrase “all the sudden” spurred me to do a Google search (As I’ve always known the grammatically correct version to be “all of a sudden”). I think when you say “of a” too quickly, it sounds like “the”. I love grammar. I came across a very interesting article written by someone who thoroughly investigated the matter. It turns out that “of a sudden” is grammatically correct currently, while “of the sudden” was grammatically correct during Shakespeare’s time (the 1500s). I think I’ll save a lot of debates and just use “quickly”. Here’s the article, http://motivatedgrammar.wordpress.com/2011/07/20/all-of-what-sudden/
Thanks and have a great day! 🙂
who knew?!? very interesting! thanks!
These are so true! The 4th really resonated with me. My husband was in a really serious accident last October and only by the grace of God, survived. Those first few hours, days, weeks, and months really tested me and my vows as a wife. It made me a stronger woman and our marriage has grown because our vows were truly put to the test. So often, when we’re first married, we don’t think about what we’ve said during our wedding ceremony and how important those words are but life will either make or break you. It is only through God that we can make it through those challenges and have our marriage not only work but be strengthened. Thank you for sharing.
What an incredible story! You have been through so much! So glad your husband is doing better and that God has kept you and held you through it all. Yes, you learn what those vows really mean when life comes on strong. Thanks for sharing your story with us!!