Broken Together - Can we just be broken together?

Can We Be Broken Together

There are times in marriage when we are just broken. Broken together as two people become one.

Broken together through years of facing incredible challenges, a death in the family, hurt feelings, unresolved anger, resting on opposite sides of an important decision and feelings of disappointment.

It could be the first years of marriage when you’re really learning how to live together. It could be the years with young kids when finding time to connect is almost impossible. Then, the kids grow up and how do you find each other once again?

You’ve been there. We’ve been there. These places of brokenness can feel incredibly lonely, hopeless and challenging.

Broken Together - Can we just be broken together?

Casting Crowns has a song called “Broken Together,” a song about marriage. There is meaning and truth behind the sad words. Reading the lyrics is like reading a poem, a story that paints a picture of real married life.

The song begins by expressing how when you get married you jump into a mystery and then as life gets complicated, you wish for simpler times.

Times before you knew each others faults and weaknesses.

Times before you sinned against each other in your words or actions.

Times before painful memories and hurtful situations cloud your view of your spouse.

Then, the chorus says this:

Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together
If you can bring your shattered dreams and I’ll bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us
The only way well last forever is broken together

As I thought about our marriage, about Jeremy and I, I thought about how this idea of being broken together is actually very healthy for us to remember.

Nothing goes well when one of us thinks we have it all together or feels that we’re right all the time or speaks words of superiority over the other.

We aren’t kind when we feel that way.

We aren’t compassionate when we think those things.

Love doesn’t thrive when one spouse acts better than the other.

As much as we want wholeness and healing, we really are broken, sinful people living this thing called marriage. 

Whether we like to admit it or not, both spouses are guilty of doing and thinking these things.

Broken Together - Can we just be broken together?

The beauty of marriage happens when we see it and we correct it. We acknowledge where we see ourselves and where we want to be in the future. When we hurt and fail each other, we see our brokenness, pick ourselves back up and try again.

What a blessing to have a life partner, a best friend, a faithful confidante to walk the road with you.

In realizing we are as broken as our spouse, we can together find healing in the only One who can truly heal and make us whole.

When we both understand brokenness, we abound in grace, mercy, love and compassion.

We have a new understanding of each others struggles, complications, and heart feelings.

Being broken together means truly living life hand in hand.

Not on different playing fields but on level ground.

Solid paths of God-directed, God-led, God-inspired oneness.

And what a formidable force we can be on that path together. Fighting for marriage, fighting for friendship, for family, for love.

Whatever we’ve walked through, whatever confessions have been made, whatever uphill battles we see ahead of us, we can pray this prayer over our spouse, our marriage.

I’m praying God will help our broken hearts align
And we won’t give up the fight

We are on the same team. One no more broken than the other, walking the path together, living life broken together.

Seeking healing and growth and victory… together.

A few resources we love:

The Love Dare

Sacred Marriage Resources

Becoming Us

Have you ever thought about being broken together?

10 Comments

  1. My Ex husband and I have been divorce since 2009. He left because of another women. I remarried on the rebound and now I’m divorced again. I just really want my marriage back together. Even after all this time. We get a long great. I never stopped loving him even while married to the other person. It was a huge mistake to marry him, because I didn’t love him. I just thought that it would be best to have a man to help me with my boys. I’m not sure if I should pray for restoration or pray that I can move on. I really don’t have any desire to date anyone else. I’m asking to know and experience God’s will.

  2. Thank you so much for this. I found it on Pinterest, read the blog post, watched the video on YouTube. I’m in tears because this is EXACTLY where I am in my 10 year marriage right now. We are struggling with lying, broken trust, hurt, issues from childhood. He moved out and the last 6 months have been the hardest struggle for us and our 3 kids. Prayerfully, we have gone from divorce papers drawn up in March to him slowly moving his things back in this month.

  3. I’ve been wanting the Casting Crowns cd. And hooray for loving marriage and celebrating and embracing it and seeing how we come together and complete each other.

    Love this-“We are on the same team. One no more broken than the other.”

  4. Thanks for sharing. I’ve never read anything like this. This was a true blessing and helped me to know that I don’t have to “be” a certain kind of way in my marriage except myself. In being broken together, we can heal together. It’s not a one-sided thing. Thanks so much!

  5. Wow this is awesome! I’ve been looking and waiting for a post like this. Almost every other post on marriage makes it feel like there is no room to be “broken” in a marriage. My husband and I are newly married (almost a year) and we have had it rough. We both struggle deeply with depression and are “broken”. We have had a rough road figuring everything out but this makes me feel better. Not all marriages are the same and I think some of us are suppose to be broken together. Thank you for this.

    1. I’m so glad it was a help to you… I had to really think about this post and how to word it. Remaining broken isn’t really the goal because our God HEALS! Yet, we are broken sinful people working together to become what God wants us to be… thanks for sharing your story!!

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