I can honestly say, that after 2 full months of living in Africa, there are moments that I do not want to be here.
And, there are also a few moments that I for sure don’t want to live here full time.
Can I say that?
Am I allowed to even think such a thing?
Not only are there moments that I don’t want to be here… there are moments, as this missionary so beautifully stated, that I think we aren’t wanted here either.
I could sit and list the reasons I don’t want to be here… I could also list the reasons it feels like Africa isn’t too fond of us being here.
But I won’t.
Why?
Because I’m choosing not to dwell there. The whys will overwhelm me if I let them.
You and I know that those moments are very real. They are gut, human feelings. They feel completely true in that second of time.
But I know they aren’t… true or real.
For as much as I feel I don’t want to be here and as much as it seems like Africa is out to get us some days, I will remain here.
I will stay. And it just might be for long term.
I will choose to want it and live it and embrace it.
This is not a story I chose for myself.
This is a story written by the Author of life himself.
And I choose to embrace His authorship.
In every moment, every want, every season, every challenge.
Him. Him only.
His story. Not mine.
Psalm 16:2 says, “I said to the Lord, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.”
You see, choosing my story, my authorship would be far more devastating. It would be a life apart from my Lord and out of step with His plan.
Living that way, the Bible states, I will have NO good thing.
And I want good things from God. I want all He has for my life. For our family. For my girls. I want to model choosing His story over my own and watch as God weaves good things onto every single page. I want my testimony to proclaim the goodness of God from beginning to end. I want to embrace the authorship of my heavenly Father and watch how the end unfolds in positively GREAT ways.
Whether I want to be here or not some days… whether Africa continuously throws road blocks in our path while screaming “Go home!”… we will continue.
We will sync our will to His and daily embrace the words He pours out in this story of our lives.
Because this is becoming my story, my song.
Praising Him all the day long…
Hearing God’s Voice in the Divine Distractions of Life
Laura
October 18, 2015 at 12:05 pmSo well said! There are times I don’t want to be in Africa, and times I don’t think I’m wanted either. But after 3+ years here, I can see God working on me and them. And then I remember why I accepted His call to be in this place. Keep persevering. (And I think year 2 is the hardest!!!)
jenileegoodwin
October 19, 2015 at 2:33 amTechnically, we are IN year 2… we spend last year in France for language school and as unbelievable as it sounds, France was very much like French West Africa! So many similarities. But for our first year in Africa, yes. oh… so much more to come our way. I love knowing there are people walking the road ahead of us!
Anna
October 17, 2015 at 8:04 pmYou’re allowed to say that. 🙂 I’ve been there. And I’m sure there will continue to be good days and bad days. I was told that the first year is the hardest, and I definitely agree with that.
Jeani
October 11, 2015 at 4:45 pm“He who dwells in The Secret Place of The Most High shall abide under the Shadow of the Almighty. I will say of The L-RD He is my refuge and my fortress in Him I put my trust.”
jenileegoodwin
October 16, 2015 at 2:49 amlove that!