I’ve been kind of pouting the past 2 days. I am not getting the bible study time, praying time, time alone with God that I’ve been longing for lately.
I can’t seem to find any uninterrupted time to just wait in His presence and it has put me in an icky mood.
Please tell me you’ve been there.
How crazy am I?
I mean, I know that God knows that I’m a young mom with young kids who need me every minute of the day. I learned long ago and have even posted about it before that we can take small amounts of time, pray while the kids play, read our bibles while they color… bring them along with us in our personal time with God. I know that He honors the time that I give Him in this season of life. And, I know the impact my personal time with God has on my children when I seek Him in front of them.
But, lately, I’ve wanted more. I’ve been feeling the need to just get away from life for a few hours and spend some time with Him.
Quiet. Peace. Alone time with God.
Realizing how almost selfish my thoughts were getting, I spent some time this morning just crying out to God and telling Him all about it. I think I wrote 3 pages in my journal. I told Him of my longing to get away. My desire to find a place to rest. I told Him of my struggle and the guilt I’ve placed on myself when I don’t get the time to study His Word or pray like I want to do each day. I asked Him to forgive me of my selfishness, of my bad attitude and my time spent pouting.
And, He answered. God is incredibly amazing. Yes, He is. He heard me today and my small cry for attention.
I listened to worship music and just felt Him speak through the words. I felt His love, His forgiveness. Then, I opened my bible and reread some verses that have had an impact on my year so far.
Psalm 26:2-3 “Test me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth.”
2 Kings 20:2-4 “Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD, “Remember, O LORD, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes.” And Hezekiah wept bitterly. Before Isaiah had left the middle court, the word of the LORD came to him: “Go back and tell Hezekiah, the leader of my people, ‘This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you…”
Then, I continued my Psalms reading. I was in chapter 55 (go read it) and wow… can I just tell you how personal our God is when we seek Him?
The cry of my heart was to break away, get find relief and quiet.
listen to this verse!
Psalm 55:6-7 “I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest– I would flee far away and stay in the desert; I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.”
Psalm 55:16-17 “But I call to God, the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. ”
Psalm 55:22 “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.”
and the notes of my firebible say it like this: “We often seek relief by trying to escape our troubles. However, in most cases we cannot simply escape the situation. THE REAL SOLUTION is found in seeking God. Call on Him constantly. Giving Him our concerns and trusting Him to take care of everything in His own time and way.”
The end of verse 23 says, “But as for me, I trust in You.”
So, I might not get any time alone today but God is still here with me in the craziness of my young household.
He still hears me when kids are playing, screaming and singing. He enjoys our time together even if kids are climbing on me and I can’t close my eyes to pray. I can trust Him to grow me, change me and use me even if I can’t get 2 quiet minutes to put together.
He and His love are right here with me.
Have you ever felt this way?
I hope you heard God answer you so sweetly when you cried out to Him. He is right there for you!