Relationship problems in marriage can seem incredibly large as we go about our days.
Things like having our needs met, expectations honored, and love tanks filled are not easy tasks for married couples.
So many of our marriage relationship problems come from these places.
We know that marriage meets many needs in our lives. Companionship, friendship, love and family.
But marriage can’t meet every need we have throughout our lives.
The deep, transcendent aches within us can only be met by God.
When this truth is ignored, the relationship problems it causes will break many marriages.
Out of the millions of men in the world, I was willing to make a promise to this one man for the rest of my life.
I willingly chose Jeremy on a summer Missouri day in 2001.
I loved my ring, loved the wedding, our sweet vow renewal and am truly happy with the choice I made.
The book “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas.
This book has opened my eyes to new insights of marriage and how to build a stronger relationship with my spouse.
The author often talks about how we are created with a need for someone else.
A need for close relationship with another human being.
It is a spiritual, mental, physical need that God intended for us to have.
In Genesis 2:18, God declares, “It is not good for the man to be alone! I will make a helper suitable for him.” Here, in the garden of Eden, God knew that his creation needed companionship.
In a place where Adam met daily with God, he still had a need for another person.
God met that need with woman. What we have to realize is that God did not give Adam a helpmate to replace his need for God, but to make him more aware of God’s presence in his life.
Gary says, “The marriage relationship creates the opportunity for us to be reminded of our need for God when we become disillusioned by the inability to receive all the love we need and desire from fellow humans.”
Basically, another human being cannot possibly meet our every need. When we think it will, relationship problems begin.
Gary goes on to say, “Use your dissatisfaction – or even your boredom with life and your relationships – as a compass that directs you to the True North of your heart’s passion: God himself. Let your relationship with your spouse point you to what you really need most of all: God’s love and active presence in your life. Above all, don’t blame your spouse for lack of fulfillment; blame yourself for not pursuing a fulfilling relationship with God. When you discover this truth, it’s amazing how satisfied you can be, regardless of who you’re living with. Marital dissatisfaction is best met with the prayer, “That’s why I need you, O God!” We are reminded of this transcendent ache in our soul that even this one very special person can’t relieve entirely on his own.”
As much as I love Jeremy and am happy with my choice of spouse, he can’t possibly meet every need.
Jeremy will fail. He will disappoint. I will fail. I will disappoint. We both will have unmet expectations.
And when that happens, I can’t blame Jeremy. I can’t allow myself to be disappointed that he can’t be “Everything” to me. He is human. And he can’t possibly be everything I need.
I have to look to God for the completion of who I am.
I have to trust that God will meet my every need and believe that He is able to erase my disillusionment and dissatisfaction with earthly relationships. God created my need for human companionship to increase my need for Him.
When we are in right relationship with God, we can find satisfaction in our marriage because our “transcendent ache” is being met by our Creator.
We feel fulfilled because of God and who He can be in our lives if we seek a true companionship with Him. Our marriage can only benefit from a close walk with God.
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