You have changed.
You know you have. You feel it and sense the many differences.
The process of missionary, overseas, expat life has altered how you think, how you see things. Everything has changed.
One of my closest friends recently said, “You seem different… like you’re not yourself.”
I can’t put my finger on it, really…
It could be all the normal mom things that aren’t a part of my life any more…
It could be all the transition and the many changes our family is going through.
It could be the travel and the new people and new places and new experiences.
I feel like the same me but I’m growing, learning and maturing.
Life is so very different from anything I’ve ever known.
Honestly, I thrive in a faithful schedule, in a comfy home, and in predictable times and days.
That isn’t our life which means I’m, with God’s help, discovering HOW to thrive in a new normal.
I’m learning how to thrive in constant change, unsettled days and unnumbered decisions that are completely out of our control.
Trusting without knowing
Believing without seeing
Understanding without answers
Walking without a clear path
Following His lead because that is all we know to be true and stable.
I’m processing a huge move.
We have sold almost everything.
A job that really isn’t so hard… stuff doesn’t mean much to us anymore. We sigh, take a picture and into a pile it goes.
In light of eternity, our “stuff” means nothing. It truly feels like rubbish. And more work than it needs to be to deal with it all.
We are free to follow God’s lead without the burden of stuff.
We have learned to survive and survive well with our family wherever we lay our heads.
But it does make things different. It makes US different.
I’m processing a very unsafe world in need of hearing about a Savior… knowing we are walking into hard soil. We are living a job that only God can make possible and is only successful in ways He understands.
Trying to express how excited we are to friends and family and churches and supporters.
We really are EXCITED to be on this journey!
I’m not thinking about the things I used to think about. I’m booking hotels and shopping for airfare and getting VISAs stamped and preparing to move 5 people safely overseas while facing down learning new cultures and languages and ways of life. Facing the thought of moving us all back again to start over for the next term.
We are communicating with our support team.
We are building friendships and making memories and cherishing today.
Tomorrow will be different… changing and learning new things… so we must embrace today.
Counting the cost in an ever changing world.
Counting the cost.
So, I might seem different… things ARE different.
But I am still me. Working through the real life process of selling everything for the sake of the call and following through with the obedience of going in His Name.
That isn’t just a sentence. It is real. And we are happily joining the ranks of hundreds of families who are doing the same thing in hard places around the world.
Happily, thoughtfully, realistically… and it changes us. Grows us. Develops new things in us that are sometimes hard to express.
This process evokes feelings that are sometimes hard to voice.
This experience brings life into focus in ways I never saw before…
Our job is weird and awkward and not so fun sometimes.
Our job is awesome and freeing and exciting even more of the time.
Our lives are open books… we live with arms held out wide and hearts expanded to bursting.
I see things different. I feel things differently. Tears are always close. The real and ugly is true.
But I am still me. Even if I seem different.
Being made into who God is making our family to be for His glory.
I have written many times about “unplowed ground”… that is happening. God is working up the unplowed ground in our lives.
Every day. new ground. new growth. new seeds. new work… as we follow Him to new places and let Him lead us through new challenges, He is plowing the ground of our hearts.
But I am still me. The ground is turning and fields are being plowed, changing us and molding us.
I’m sure you’ve been through seasons of change, seasons of growth. I’m sure you’ve felt different at times as God teaches you new things and grows you in new areas.
It is part of the process of our walk with Him. And we are truly living it.
“Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground,
for it is time to seek the Lord until He comes and showers righteousness on you.”
Hosea 10:12 NIV