remembering the effects of our words

How to Have Healthy Conversations With Friends

Conversations with friends can be life giving or guilt creating, can’t they?

Don’t you hate that feeling you get when you know you have said too much?

When you think, “Wow. Why didn’t I keep my mouth shut?”

When talking on the phone, texting or chatting with friends it is easy to say what comes to mind and to enjoy hearing your friends’ thoughts. Those moving little dots in your messenger app that tell you she is about to say something else.

Women are good at keeping the conversations going.

We can jump from one topic to the next and cover everything from the latest sale at Old Navy to the way our husband forgot to take the trash out to the price of gas. Often without even catching our breath.

What does God think of our conversations with friends?

Proverbs 10 talks about the “chattering fool” and tells us “When words are many, sin is not absent…”

Think of your last “girl talk” session or your last blog post or your last facebook message or your last texting conversation…

Conversations With Friends - How to Have Healthy Conversations

James 3, then, takes the thought of a chattering fool to a new level.

James tells us that, our tongue, if not given over to the control of God, is like the small spark that can start a forest fire. And, if we aren’t careful, we can forget how a forest fire greatly impacts everything around it.

Like this one thing you shouldn’t do in marriage.

Sometimes, I feel like we forget the devastating effects of our words.

Conversations With Friends - How to Have Healthy Conversations

We forget that words can’t be erased and often times they are hurtful to someone. Not only that, but how often are we careless with our expressions, saying words that come close to the line of being hurtful to God?

How often do we forget that our empty, careless words are brought before Him?

How often do we forget that he hears our conversations with friends?

But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.” Matthew 12:36

Scary thought to think about, yes?

James follows up the idea of taming the tongue by describing two kinds of wisdom.

  • Earthly wisdom – bitterness, envy, selfish ambition
  • Heavenly wisdom – pure, peaceful, considerate, submissive, merciful, bearing good fruit, impartial and sincere

Which do wisdom do you long for?

I long to not only be able to keep my mouth shut, but when I do speak, to be able to have God’s wisdom flowing out. I do not like the feeling of talking too much, of cutting people down, nagging, bragging, gossiping, using words as weapons.

My words should bring peace.

Our words should be pure, spoken with right motives and defining grace. Our words should be beneficial to those around us, actively compassionate and forgiving.

We should be consistent with our words, allowing them to be genuine and without hypocrisy.

Words spoken in heavenly wisdom bring peace. Heavenly wisdom sows peace which will then reap a harvest of righteousness – a close, right relationship with God.

I want to glorify him, even in the difficult area of words. With God’s help, I daily strive to control something the Bible refers to as “a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” My conversations with friends can be uplifting, good and healthy.

How do we begin to use heavenly wisdom and use words that sow peace?

We must draw close to God, learn to love His word and determine to be submissive and obedient to his leading. Challenge ourselves to speak only words of love and peace. Actively listening to that still, small Voice.

How will this effect our lives?

We will see it reciprocated in our friendships, our families, and most importantly, our children.

Check out:

What are ways that God is working in you in the area of conversations with friends?

Also, check out this 1 Thing We Should NOT Do in Marriage



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